THE 5 NEW MONSTARS
IN A SPACE JAM REMAKE

By Joe Daymond - 15/1/14


Back in 1996 when I was only a beginner in the pimp game, Space Jam starring Michael Jordan and a vast array of NBA superstars at the time was a constant re-watch on my VCR or Video Cassette Recorder for you youngins.

If you are a 90’s baby like myself then you will have fond memories of the movie ‘that was so crazy it had humans and cartoons together’. Unfortunately, I think the young kids of today are missing out and are instead stuck with whatever pre-teen junk is playing on Disney Channel and Nickelodeon.

Anyone that remembers Space Jam will clearly remember the bad guys, otherwise known as the Monstars. The team of little aliens that took a magical alien steroid juice that they sucked from the NBA’s greatest players and used their powers to dominate the Looney Tunes in a big time basketball game alongside none other than Michael Jordan himself. So just for a bit of fun, I’ve picked five players that would be the perfect fit as the modern day Monstars.

Here's a quick little clip of the Monstar's before we get started just to refresh your memory.



Appearance and personality were the crucial criteria plus a bit of creative direction from me just in case anyone wanted to do a sequel.

Alien: Blanko
Modern Day NBA Player: Dirk Nowitski



The token white guy of the group described as a moronic character. Now Dirk may not be as unintelligent as the character suggests but who else would fit that dopey look better than the tall German.


Alien: Bang
Modern Day NBA Player: Blake Griffin



His name is Bang. That’s Blake Griffin in one word. The serial dunker and Clippers muscle man is notorious for only really being a power player. Whilst we disagree, the character of Bang, overly aggressive and so dumb he seems foreign could not scream Blake Griffin any louder. Plus imagine one of those monster (pardon the pun) alley-oop jams being thrown down in the movie.


Alien: Bupkis
Modern Day NBA Player: Dwight Howard



D12 has earned his reputation as a bit of a cry-baby after his escapade with the Lakers which is why he would be perfect for the part of Bupkis. The dude actually cries in the movie and has the sort of diva attitude that Dwight more or less seems to have.


Alien: Nawt
Modern Day NBA Player: Chris Paul



Now a lot of people actually tie this character to Nate Robinson but I think Chris Paul fits this role even better. The little guy that’s big around his bigger friends (ie. Blake Griffin and DeAndre Jordan). Plus the biggest reason, imagine Lob City in Looney Tune land.


Alien: Pound
Modern Day NBA Player: Dwyane Wade



The ultimate villain in my eyes, no not Pound, Dwyane Wade. The dude bleeds evil from his foul play to cocky attitude and whilst it is all backed up, doesn’t mean we don’t love a villain. The leader of the squad and ultimate badass, a dude that leads Lebron James has to be a bad muther.


Joe Daymond is the 18 year old passionate sports enthusiast and founder of Templark. Lover of all things the world has to offer, you can find him on the rugby field tearing up the turf or in the dark spaces of Wellington city tearing up the dance floor.

Follow him on Twitter @Daymond101.


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